im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
