I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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