But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
