she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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