I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
