Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
