He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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