Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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