ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
