Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
