I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
