She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
