Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
