you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
