I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
