I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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