We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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