Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize