It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
