"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
