Swine flu. Run for my life!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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