It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
