Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
