Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
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You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
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Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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