My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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