i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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