Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She needs sedatives and a leash
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
