Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
