I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
