her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
