So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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