I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
