yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
