I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
