Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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