Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
