I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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