I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
