At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
