so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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