if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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