So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
