Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
