: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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