He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
