I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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