time to smoke my breakfast
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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