Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize