Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
