Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
