He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize