For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
