went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize