they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
