she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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