and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Found the puke drawer
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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