Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
