I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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