just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you win again, gameday.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
