you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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