Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
