Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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