Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
