so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
