oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
