Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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