they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
