just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
