My room smells like vodka and shame
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
