you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
YAS. BRING CRAB.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
