Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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