wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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